Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
