I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
