can u get pink eye on your cock?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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