i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
