I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
