I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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