is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
