You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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