My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize