Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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