we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
