Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
