Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
