tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Can you bring me the toilet please
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
