you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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