Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
