Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
