Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
