He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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