Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
