Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
