Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
