My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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