butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
