ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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