I'm eating all of the evidence.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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