I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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