for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
