How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I fill condoms, not promises.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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