me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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