In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
