Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
