What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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