I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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