I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
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