I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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