I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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