I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
