i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
