do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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