Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just tell him i said nine months
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
