the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Found the puke drawer
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
