I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I think I just sharted jello shots
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