I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
