You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
my nose is crying tears of wow.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
