And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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