u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
