there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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