I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
