Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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