she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
