so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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