I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
