So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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