I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
