I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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