ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
