I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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