we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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