I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
