Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Come share oat with me in your robe
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
