Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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