we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
