Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
