are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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