Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
